Introspect

I'm having a rather unfortunate introspective night. One of those nights where you pull out the skeletons from the closet and you want to shake them and scream that you weren't Nothing to them, that your time together must have meant something! But the skeletons remain silent. It would only induce drama yourself. We don't write the emails with the words we are thinking nor do we send the text messages saying 'I was thinking of you' to our exs. It's not that you want to be with them, or that you would change how your life is going. I am very blessed to have a very wonderful life, and a great marriage. But sometimes the scars creep out and I want to shake people from my past, friend, exes, lots of people and cry wanting to know why I don't matter to them. It isn't that I want them to love me....it's that the pain of being cast aside and forgotten has erupted and the closure was never obtained. The lack of closure is painful and monsterous and grotesque. The ever prevalent questions of why someone still sits in your mind if even brief and they can't even remember your name suffocates me from time to time. Many of the ghosts simply need to be forgotten. Most days they are, most days the ghosts stay dead...but other nights. Other nights they creep out and those fingers dive right into my chest, clamoring for my attention. I can only pray that one day the scars fade, the pain is not for nothing, and I will wake up tomorrow remembering I am stronger without those that tie me down and though I struggle against their weight; I become stronger in the war.