Fandom Can Drive Ya Nuts

Okay, so I'm NEW to Harry Potter fandom. I saw most of the films when they came out, but not really interested in anything beyond that. It hit me like a sudden wave of awesome and not only did I make Jonathan watch the movies for the first time, we have developed epic level nerdcore fandom over it. I have become a sponge trying to learn as much as I can and finding favorite characters. Unfortunately I have run into some people I would consider fandom asshats.

Why do people get this way with fandom? First of all, people who have been in a fandom long enough or even not very long but longer than the 'new person' are assholes. They are no it alls and go out of their way to 'prove' their knowledge or to make the new person look stupid of to catch them not accurate in a fact. Now I can understand if said new person acts like a no it all, but if they admit they don't, or are new, why are you giving them such a hard time? I mean, shit, this is fucking adults acting like little kids about who owns what character. It puts me in a foul mood and instead of dealing with it in a 'let it go' fashion like I would like to, I then look for instances to quietly show the assholes up, because there isn't a damn thing I do that's half assed. I don't care if you can speak parseltongue, I will make you look like shit in your cosplay.

And I hate to get that type of attitude. I really do, because I hate cosplay rivalry, atleast at the level it is at. However, I know I'm competitive and when I get set off then there is no going back, and honestly, it takes some of the fun out of the whole thing.

I think its a bit fucked up when people act like you are taking their fandom away from them, or that you are stepping on their fandom toes because you like the same thing. People are going to like the same things, the same art, the same outfit, and it shouldn't be about who does it better. Very rarely are people getting paid to be the best, and even those getting paid aren't always the best. It should be about community and fun, not the small cliques we find ourselves in and the competitive game we fall into.



/rant.

Maybe I Shouldn't take Psych

I feel like in the end I just end up doing a lot of self analysis, neither particularly good or bad but overall frustrating.
I am at odds with myself on a lot of things right now. With very few constants I feel like I'm losing control. Something I value and haven't felt this way in a very long time.
But whatever do I mean?

First of all, blogspot is an ass for not letting enter actually mean 'next line please'. But I digress. Mostly I feel conflicted. I am caught somewhere in the middle of two lives that seem to not only overlap, but the REAL me gets caught somewhere in a circus mixture of the two.

I have my career me: my modeling (even the off color stuff), my video fetish stuff, etc.

And then there's the real me. Most people don't even know the difference, and it's so frustrating sometimes. Even the modeling me is turning into someone I don't even like. I can be manipulative and a real bitch, but its what pays in the industry. Not a bitch to producers or fellow models, but to the fans. There is rare exception. One site I work for actually lets me be a sweetheart even though people tend to think I'm a bit overbearing on there too.

But regardless. I just get frustrated. I feel like the few people who really know who I am are so rare and even they forget. I really am a person. A Lady. I like to be respected and while I might tolerate a little bullshit here and there. Overall, I will kick your ass if you deserve it.

Conflicted. Maybe its because I stopped writing all my bad encrypted poetry. I don't have an outlet, and I hate to always be complaining. Jonathan is the only person who really has the time to hear ALL my bullshit complaints and who wants to spend their entire night complaining?
I hate feeling censored and that's what the internet is, you can either air all your dirty laundry out or you can censor yourself to spare feelings.

I can't stand that.



/rant

Entry 1: Why Do You Need A Blog?

In all honesty. I probably don't. But I like to rant. I like to update my life and figure even if no one else reads this, its a great way for me to look back at the end of each day and see what I have done. Plus its a great place to post progress photos and things as I work on new projects. I might even expand and discuss some of the modeling I do! Wouldn't that be neat!



But I probably won't delve much into detail on that. I'd like to keep this a 'real' blog, more about the real me that the perceived me. Consider this the Clark Kent blog versus the Superman one. I might describe woes or issues, or even bad poetry.


All in all though. I have a fantastic life, wonderful people in and a fantastic family and fiance. This is my life.